You cannot imagine how happy I am that the 2013 New York electoral primaries are behind us.
Being that I'm a longtime resident of Connecticut, you might be wondering why I care. But I do. Not only because New York serves as the backdrop for some of my fave shows like "Sex and the City," "Mad Men" and "Seinfeld," but because we lower Fairfield County suburbanites are treated to both Connecticut and New York TV channels, and are therefore subjected to a double whammy of political ads.
And after nearly three months of non-stop bombardment, I, for one, feel as though I can blissfully live out the rest of my life without witnessing another Weiner for Mayor or Spitzer for Comptroller commercial. I mean, isn't it enough that we Nutmeggers were forced to endure Linda McMahon's $100 million attempts to purchase a senate seat?
Now of course, while watching TV at home, I easily evaded these offensive ads by simply changing to a Connecticut channel (thus treating myself to a plethora of Bob's Discount Furniture commercials), but no such luck at the gym, where for some reason, the stations are all pre-set to New York ones. So for the past few months, it seemed like every time I hopped on the treadmill or elliptical trainer (in an effort to feel fit and healthy), a commercial would air for the weasel-like Weiner or sleazy Spitzer, and I'd start feeling sick.
In their 30-60 second, black-and-white, somberly narrated spots, both Weiner and Spitzer ignored their self-ruined reputations and painted themselves as populists, anti-elitists whose mission is to represent ordinary people. Their ads featured montages of various downtrodden members of the working class, sitting on their stoops, standing at bus stops, looking miserable, presumably over the state of the city, but more likely because as regular Joes on tight budgets, they couldn't afford to pay $1,000 per hour for a call girl, or sext with abandon without worrying about going over their allotted minutes.
After a long summer of enduring these maddeningly hypocritical campaign ads, I was heartened to learn (at the gym, of course! ) that on Tuesday, Sept. 10, New Yorkers issued unequivocally embarrassing defeats to these two sex scandalized politicians. No matter their promises to "serve the community," it seems that their "ick factor" was just too high.
Apparently this was not the case in South Carolina, where former governor Mark Sanford (who lost his job in 2008 after telling his wife, four kids, and staffers that he was going on a six days-long walkabout on the Appalachian Trail, when he was actually in Argentina with his mistress) was recently elected to Congress.
Which makes me wonder if the usually prim and proper people of the South have adopted a higher tolerance for sexual misconduct, or if they purposefully elected Mr. Sanford to a position where he has to spend most of his time out of town.
Well, no matter what's happening elsewhere in the country, for now, anyway, the overwhelming majority of New Yorkers (and me) have had enough of Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer, and for the sake of the good people of The Empire State (as well as the success of my future workouts), I hope that the two of them will soon pack their bags (or better yet, have their wives pack for them!) and go out for nice long walks, preferably off the grid, and out of my airwaves.
Layla Ann Silver is a freelance writer who, now that the New York primaries are over, hopes that Huma and Silda finally come to their senses and send their sex-scandalized husbands packing. She can be reached at email@example.com.