Why spend a fortune on a wedding dress?

Timing is everything. In 2005, my daughter was getting married and frantic about selecting a wedding dress that didn't cost more than a year's worth of groceries for a family of four.

Why didn't I know then about Cheap-Chic-Weddings.com that recently sponsored its annual Toilet Paper Wedding Dress contest. Who needs lace, crinoline and rhinestones when you can create a perfectly attractive wedding dress primarily out of toilet paper.

This is too good to be true and I'm passing it on to readers who have impending weddings. Don't scoff until you see what the creative mind can do.

The first-place winner, Susan Brennan, from Orchard Lake, Mich., built a nature-inspired gown decorated with flowers and feathers.

She constructed the dress from four rolls of toilet paper, hot glue and packing tape, creating impressive pleats on the bodice.

That's imagination; and think of the miniscule cost.

Laura Lee, from Milpitas, Calif., finished second for her tiered and strapless design. Amazing. And Cynthia Richards from Marietta, Ga., the third place finisher, used 20 rolls of toilet paper to create the gown inspired by a business partner's dream.

OK, maybe 20 rolls is getting a touch expensive, but she probably bought the 24-roll pack on sale.

I viewed photos of these winning dresses online, which were fashionable and chic. And think of the money that was saved. Of course, I can imagine telling my daughter that she should buy a wedding dress made of toilet paper. After much wailing, she would run to her mother to have me declared certifiably nuts and placed in a serene facility to live out my days, designing toilet paper dresses.

We're pushing the envelope here or at least stretching the uses of a roll of toilet paper. But don' t banish the thought before you have sampled one of these creations. Aren't brides looking for something edgy and alluring? These creations are oozing edgy. Have you checked out the intricate and beautiful patterns embossed on toilet paper these days. I've seen geometric, floral and free flowing patterns. For goodness sake, I think they're using artists to design toilet paper.

Perhaps we should frame a few pieces and hang them over the mantle.

Beyond the money you save, consider how practical these toilet paper dresses are. If the bride breaks into tears during the ceremony, she can pluck off a piece of her dress and voila -- instant tissue. No one has to scramble to fetch tissues. Warning: If she cries for the entire ceremony, there's a limit to how much she can peel off. You get the picture.

Of course, I see a couple of shortcomings of the toilet paper wedding dress. Let's supposes it rains on the wedding day. Getting from the limo into the church and then over to the reception could be a challenge. A downpour and the bride could be standing in a puddle of paper mache.

That's why you plan ahead. Rain in the forecast, we wrap the bride in plastic. Duh, could it be any easier?

I can hear the traditionalists objecting that you won't be able to hand this dress down to future generations. Well, you got a point there. It's not the kind of dress that's going to stand up well to the test of time. So a toilet paper wedding dress isn't perfect.

But consider the money you will save in storage fees. You just flush it down the toilet. Just be careful to do that in small hunks or you risk plugging the toilet. We all know that water damage from an overflowing toilet can wreak havoc.

My daughter's wedding dress is locked away in some dry cleaner's vault. No one has seen it in almost five years. Who knows if she doesn't rent it out on weekends, then zip it back up in the protective bag. It's not like we visit the wedding dress periodically. So what are we storing it for?

All right, toilet paper wedding gowns aren't for everyone, I get that. But must we invest fortunes in dresses that the bride wears once?

Come on, let's be more practical and economical during this recession.

Toiler paper dresses offer a cheap alternative with style. But if you just can't get into toilet paper, then opt for something more durable and inexpensive that even comes in many colors -- duct tape, one of the greatest and most enduring inventions after the wheel and the computer. But that's another story.

Imagine if the bride is wearing a gown created from the brand that advertises that it's so "squeezeably soft." What could be more perfect as every guest comes up to give her a hug?

Frank Szivos is a freelance writer who would wear a toilet paper suit if he could find one. He can be reached at frankctburns@optonline.net.